It was unplanned, you see. I've been reading about sleep training because I've been considering it. Little Sawyer is not even four months yet, and he's not a terrible sleeper, so I thought I would wait another month or so. But today... today Sawyer was having major sleep issues. He's been cranky. I think it's because of teething, but I'm not sure. For the last few days he's been fighting naps. Yesterday, he only slept 2.5 hours during the day and today maybe 2 hours. Last night it took me forever to get him to sleep. He's been comfort nursing. He eats, but then he continues to suck. When he finally falls asleep, I lay him down in the crib and he freaks out. It's not just that he wants to be held, he wants to be sucking, and nothing will pacify him but my b@@b. I spent over two hours trying to get him to nap and another 2 trying to get him to go to sleep tonight. Things seemed to be going well, and then I put him in the crib, and the banshee starts wailing. He's not hungry. I gave him rice cereal and still he wanted to suck. Baby tylenol, and still he wanted to suck. Two hours of sucking and still he would not sleep in his crib.
I started to get frustrated. I was hungry for dinner. I had spent the afternoon walking him around humid, hot Tokyo, hoping he would sleep in his sling. But no. Although he was sleepy, yawning, and sweetly cuddling no sleep beset him. And now, for two hours, I'd been trying to put him to bed, with no success. My head was hurting. I felt defeated. I didn't know what else to do. So, I laid him in his crib and left the room.
I turned on a TV show and watched as I listened to my baby cry through the monitor. Sawyer cries with real tears now. He gets really hot and sweaty when he is upset. I knew exactly what his little scrunched up face looked like as he cried alone in his bed. At this point my only feeling was determination. I was determined to let him cry for a few minutes--maybe it would tire him out a little so when I went back in he would fall asleep faster. But then something started to happened. Sawyer's blood curdling cries would stop for a moment and then start again and then stop. Each time this happened the space between each start and stop was shorter and shorter while the space between each stop and start got longer and longer. My determination turned into excited curiosity; could he actually be calming down a bit? And then the cries stopped all together. Silence. My first thought was that he choked on his tears. I went running into the room to find him resting peacefully, arms and legs splayed across the crib.
That's when the guilt set in. It was less than 10 minutes of crying (I refused to look at the clock, so I don't know how long for sure). Obviously, there's something wrong with him. His teeth hurt? Maybe his head hurt? Maybe he was just having a bad day and all he wanted was to suck on his mom's b@@b? Aren't I supposed to comfort him? Make him feel safe? Aren't I supposed to come running when he cries out for help? Oh man. I feel terrible. I know that he needs to sleep and that I need to sleep too. I just wish...that he didn't fall asleep in tears.
I hope he still loves me when he wakes up! I'll let you know.
P.S. I know that this is all evidence that I'm an inexperienced mother. This guilty feeling will go away, right?
Sleeping Pics of Sawyer from the good old days when all he needed was his binky and blanky:
11 comments:
It's okay. You know I had to do cry it out with Ruby at 10 weeks. There comes a point where you need to sleep, the baby needs to sleep, and sometimes, it involves tears.
Oh yikes. That's gotta be so tough...are you going to try letting him cry it out again? And you're his mommy--he's gotta love you when he wakes up!
Oh gosh! Everytime I read one of these blogs I feel: a.) SUPER ANXIOUS for my own fate to come. b.) Sorry you are going through it. c.) Always feel good, calm and peaceful that you are doing exactly what is good for baby Sawyer! d.) Felt feeling you are a GOOD mom! e.) Keep up the good work. f.) I have a good example to follow. g.) I love you!
Left*
Dear Amanda, here are my "two cents": if Sawyer is fed, he is NOT hungry; if his diaper is not wet/poopied he is NOT uncomfortable; if he's dressed for the room temperature (not for our comfort but his, and probably a little cooler that WE would like), then he is not cold/hot; if it is time for him to be sleeping, then he SHOULD BE sleeping; crying will be substituted by "I don't want to", "you can't make me" in about 1 1/2 -2 years, don't set yourself up for sleeping struggles. He is too young at this time to do what he might do later, like holding his breath to get his way. I think you did great, Dr. Spock said; "Relax. You know more than you think you do." He also wrote: "The child, needs to feel that his mother and father, however agreeable, still have their own rights, know how to be firm, ..." I know what it is like to let a little one (and a not so little) cry, and cry. NOT EASY!
I whole-heartily agree with "gardeniagirl": "There comes a point where you need to sleep, the baby needs to sleep, and sometimes, it involves tears."
Love you lots, xoxox
Dear Amanda, I hope your are doing ok. Don't worry about him crying, you don't want to spoil him. As Clara says, as long as you know he is not hungry, comfortable, clean and safe, he will be ok. Do you remember crying as a baby? I don't and he won't either. Have a good night. Love Dad!
Oh Amanda! I can wholeheartedly empathize with you on this because I have been there before. And it wasn't that long ago.
I did it three different ways with each of my children. Each of my kids started doing the comfort nursing then fall asleep then wake up as soon as I lay the down bit right around Sawyers age. With Liam, because he was my first, I gave into his every need. With Isla, I was a little bit more structured, but not much. Well, by the time Wren came around I just did not have it in me. Something had to give. And then that brilliant book "Healthy Habits for Happy Kids" (or something like that? Ask Char, she read it too). And the book talked about how important it is to let our children teach themselves how to fall asleep. We can give them snuggles when they're lonely, tylenol when they're hurting, milk when they're hungry, AND when they are tired, we can put them in some clean jammies, give them snuggles, and then put them in a quiet room for sleep. At first they will cry but I'll tell you what, there will come a time when Sawyer will "fuss" for two minutes tops and then he will sleep for at least 8 hours in a row. When I did this for Wren at five months she was sleeping TWELVE hours a night with in a week. The poor girl was tired! I thought I was showing her love by having her sleep in my bed with the boob all night, but I was just frustrating her. She just wanted to be left alone so she could figure out how to get some good, deep quality sleep. She cried ALOT the first night. Probably 45 minutes? But I think it is one of the best parenting decisions I've ever made.
Liam is 6 years old now and he has the most difficult time falling asleep. I blame myself. For the first 2 years of his life he fell asleep at the breast, and now that he is 6 and clearly unable to suck something to sleep, he doesn't know how to turn on his brain and relax. Isla is much better than him, but she still has a harder time than her cousins who were all "sleep-trained". I bet you anything Wren Emilia is the best sleeper out of all my kids. And it's because I was tired enough to try giving her the one thing I truly couldn't give-- sleep!
You are a fantastic mom and I hope you do this for Sawyer tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that. If you don't, I'll understand because I've been there too.
Wow, what a great post and what great comments! I feel totally prepared now to let sweet little Ava cry herself to pieces when the time is right. :)
Way to go Amanda! He will be ready for real independence in no time at all!
;-)
Sounds just like James when we entered the teething stage! All I can say is trust yourself because you know better than anyone what's best for him. You're a FANTASTIC mom and he's always going to love you!!
Thanks for all of the advice and support. This is really super helpful.
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