Four Months

Sawyer is four months old!  Can you believe it?  In some ways it feels like he's always been with us, and in others he still feels very new.  When Sawyer was first born people would ask me what his personality was like.  I always felt guilty when people asked me because my first thought was, "I don't know...whiny baby?"  But now, now, I'm coming to understand that Sawyer definitely has a personality and now that he's four months old it's really starting to shine:

Sawyer likes people.  Rather than toys, Sawyer prefers to be looking at and interacting with the people in the room.  This could be because he is tired of the same five toys he's been playing with for the last 3 months that we've been traveling, but for whatever reason, Sawyer prefers face-to-face interaction, rather than playing with people through toys.  This means, that as long as he is being held or talked to, he doesn't cry.  We've been able to take him bowling and even out to eat at fancy restaurants, and he stays nice and chill as long as we include him in our dinner conversations.

Sawyer likes to talk.  You know how they say that babies choose one area of development to concentrate on first?  Apparently, there are five main developmental areas: cognitive, social and emotional, speech and language, fine motor skills, gross motor skills.  Well, Sawyer has made his focus speech and language.  Sawyer can have conversations with "oo's" and "aw's."  Recently, he's graduated to "mama's."  He's also learned how to whisper, which is his new favorite way to talk.  Nice airy coo's.  My sister recorded this conversation she had with Sawyer not too long ago.  Obviously, she didn't understand what he was saying: "Lay off me, I'm starving!"

The area in which he concentrates the least is motor skills (both fine and gross).  Sawyer can roll over, or at least he has (video below).  However, he hasn't found it necessary to practice the skill in a month or so.  Why?  Well, he's unmotivated.  Remember, he doesn't really care for toys, so why would he roll to get one?  And if he decides he does want one, he usually just fusses a bit until I give it to him.  He's fat and lazy, but that's cute for a baby, right?  (I also think that he hasn't concentrated on motor skills because he is an early teether, and for a while all he cared about was chewing on anything and everything he saw.) Despite his general laziness, Sawyer has begun to sit up and often shouts and grunts until you help him do it.  He has also shown some early signs of crawling.   But given his demonstrated chilled-outness, I am skeptical of it happening anytime soon.

These days Sawyer smiles and laughs on cue, especially when he's tired.  When he's sleepy he becomes "punchy," as my mom describes it.  The other day on the train, Sawyer was particularly tired and so he began rolling with laughter every time I asked him, "Is it the same?"  I have no idea why, but I kept it up just to hear that adorable baby squeal.  The silent Japanese passengers tried to hide their amusement. Sawyer is also ticklish on his ribs and is beginning to get a kick out of peek-a-boo.

Sawyer has also become more aware of his surroundings, which is cute, because random things will often catch his eye that I would have never noticed otherwise, like a ceiling fan or an interesting pattern on a wall.  However, this new development has also made our lives a bit more difficult, especially when it comes to eating.  Unless it's nap or bed time, Sawyer can't eat for long without popping off my b**b to look at what's around him.  Like literally, he sucks one or two times and then is compelled to look at the curtains or the ceiling. He's very, very distracted.  I try to convince him that he'll never find anything better than me, and then shove my b**b back in his face, but he doesn't find me very persuasive.  It seems, that he doesn't want to miss out on anything.  This makes feeding him a more drawn out process.

This new curiosity and need for social interaction has also affected his sleep.  Like I mentioned before, often after just 20 minutes of sleep he'll wake up and start crying for attention or even worse, he refuses to fall asleep at all as long as he's not in my arms.  It has been suggested by many wise moms that it's time for sleep training.  So, Jonathan and I have tried letting him cry it out for the last couple of nights. Sawyer has, of course, not liked it at all.  Whether or not it's emotionally affecting him, it's torturing me! Every night since we've started it, I've had bad dreams:

• Dream 1: Jonathan and I are on a bus in the middle of the ocean with some of our friends and family members.  Jonathan takes Sawyer and says, "Ok, we're going to do it.  It's good for him!"  He opens the window and drops our baby into the ocean.  He assures me that Sawyer will make it home just fine.  "He needs to learn this," he says.  And everyone on the bus agrees.  I say, "How do you expect him to swim when he's in a swaddle!"  Jonathan holds up Sawyer's swaddle and promises me, he will be fine.  However, I can't shake the feeling the Sawyer is drowning and so demand the bus to stop so I can go rescue him.
• Dream 2:  I get Sawyer out of bed in the morning after letting him cry it out the night before.  Sawyer opens his mouth and reveals a full set of teeth!  I'm horrified that my baby was crying so much because of the pain of cutting a whole mouth of teeth in one night, while I just ignored him.
• Dream 3 (a lot like Dream 2): I realize that Sawyer is crying all night, because he's been practicing sitting up and needs my help.  But I wasn't there...blah, blah, blah. 

Right, so, I've decided that even if Sawyer is ready to cry it out, I'm not emotionally strong enough to go through it.  Yet.  So, I've stopped the sleep training, even though last night he slept for 8 hours straight after crying it out.   I know, I'm weak.  I never thought I would be this way.   I thought I was so tough.  "You gave birth calmly and without drugs.  You are the bomb!" I told myself, "You can surely listen to your baby cry for a half hour. Pah-leeze."  Uhm...not true.  When it comes to Sawyer crying, I'm all a mess.  I'm back to cuddling him to sleep.  Today, I even took a three hour nap with him by accident, because I fell asleep while cuddling with him.  Oh well, who doesn't like to cuddle, right?

All-in-all, Sawyer is the love of our lives.  We think about him constantly.  We love to make him smile and laugh.  These last four months have gone by very, very quickly.  I often tell Sawyer to "never change" because I don't want him to grow up.  But everyday he's cuter than the day before. And although each day I am sure that I could never love this little guy any more, I wake up the next day to find that I do!